She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
