; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
