He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
It was confusing and full of hummus
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
