I accidentally burped into my bong.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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