She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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