I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
it glows. i had to have it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize