It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
