Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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