that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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