So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
