Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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