do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
