I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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