it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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