I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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