How'd it feel making her break her religion?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize