I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
