Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
