his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
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It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
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we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Come on in and take your pants off
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