is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend