$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?