ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.