Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.