Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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