You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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