yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
