Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
two words: eviction party
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
