I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
