Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I puked a lego.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
