What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
