The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
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See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
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Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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