What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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