Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
