Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
