I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
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if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
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Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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