i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
