there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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