I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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