well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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