i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
