Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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