I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
