nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i came on her dog
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
