I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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