Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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