she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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