Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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