tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
