You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
