me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
