I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
