Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
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"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
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Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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