I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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