i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
