so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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