put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
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he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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