I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
