You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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