If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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