i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
how do flat chested girls get laid?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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