i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
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All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
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Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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