alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
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It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
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Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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