How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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